My internal struggle as men at the gym keep trying to adopt me — I fit in at the gym about as well as a Disney Princess in a BDSM studio. I don’t get the culture: running, lifting, grunting, groaning, flexing. I’ve never understood the axioms of “power through” or “feel the burn” or “do three more.” The only times that “power through,” “do…

The power of listening to your willies. — I have a foolproof method for judging everyone I meet. It’s simple. I ask myself one question: would I want to be with this person in the apocalypse? Zombies, aliens, asteroids, nuclear war, famine, killer bunnies, whatever. And I ponder: Might this person eat me six weeks in? Might they…

Lessons learned early on in the world of teaching English abroad. — My first job abroad was as a “teacher” for a daycare center in Beijing, China. My name is Ben, but the children called me “Ben-ben.” When I was introduced to the parents and their child, they’d say, “This is Uncle Ben-ben.” They’d hand me the baby, the baby would burst…

Let me explain. — I once taught a class of five-year-olds in Beijing at a little academy on the fourth floor of a mall where every wall was glass, everything else was plastic, and everyone was an asshole. They made me wear a rainbow-trimmed polo that looked like the staff uniform at a pedophile…

The things I overlook when my friends and I talk about how “adult” we’ve become. — My friend bought a couch. The next time we hung out, he said, “I bought a couch. I feel so adult.” Then we and my other friend talked about the couches we bought this year. This progressed, as these conversations often do among thirty-something-year-olds, into a conversation about just how…

And you should be too. — When I was a kid, I used to sleep with a heavy comforter over my feet — no matter the season. I’d keep my legs wrapped up to my knees. Why? Witches, obviously. I knew — knew — that, if I were to lay with my feet exposed for more…

One reason among many. — From 2011–2013 I worked as a door-to-door fundraiser for nonprofits. Each day we were given “Turf” — a spliced-up neighborhood of doors to knock on until someone opened, and I could vomit my script all over them. It was a fun job. Most people slammed the door. Enough didn’t. I…

Here is a way for you to find out if you’ve got what it takes. — I’ve thought a lot lately about all of the misconceptions about the ‘nomadic lifestyle’ of freelancers like myself. I think it’s a problem of language — when you spend your life abroad, terms take on new meaning. For example, when someone back home sees ‘Travel Influencer’ they think ‘creative nomadic…

The curse of being an underfunded startup in the face of undeniable convenience. — My company had one rule when we decided to sell merch: Let it be better than anything that might get shot out of a cannon at a hockey game. Seemed like a fair goal. So long as you ignore the fact that I’m pretty sure my business partner Karina nor…