And yet we still worship these guys. Yes, guys — The prevailing theory of “wealth” among people my age (millennial scum) is that it is inherited, whereas, the prevailing theory among older wealth-chasers is that millennials are a bunch of jealous little shitsticks. To this end, if you try to look up how wealth is created, you’re met with statistics…

My new favorite type of writing. — I came across a literary magazine recently with a unique offering — they were seeking submissions for ‘Speculative Diary Entries’. I read through the description, sat back, and thought: hell yes. …

For example: I forgot how to sneeze. — A year ago, I forgot how to sneeze. One day, when I was about to sneeze, my girlfriend stuck her finger in my mouth, and my brain broke. Since then, when I try to sneeze, I think, Oh, yes! I’m sneezing! And then I lose it. About three months in…

It just takes us all way too long to realize this. — When I was a kid, I had an uncle with no teeth who used to tell stories about a rabbit. He’d take out his false teeth, sit down on a stool, and all the children would gather around, cross-legged, hands-on-chins, doe-eyed, engrossed. When I was a teenager at an all-boys…

Also, is this cover photo too much? — *originally published in Lustery POV Men stick their fingers up their nose, in their ears, under their pits, between their toes, and into the corners of their eyes, sometimes — if not often — without washing in between. …

What it costs me to go for a full health check-up in South Korea — When people ask about living abroad in Korea, the first thing I often bring up is medical care. Why? It’s wildly efficient and stupidly cheap. Turns out, it was even ranked as the best healthcare system in the world last year. (America was 30th). I am leaving Korea in six…

Just don’t be an asshole. — The news loves its fear porn. “Young Couple Goes Abroad. Has Fun.” is not a juicy title for an article. But “Young Couple Murdered in (insert far off scary place you’ve never been).” Now that! That’s a fuckin’ story. People will click that, read that, shit their pants, and then…

Educate them now or the metaverse will. — *originally published in Lustery POV The first full-time job summer job I had was digging through VHS copies of ’70s romcoms looking for boobs. Today, a seven-year-old googling how to make a fruit salad will stumble across more nudity than all my hours of pause, rewind, pause, rew — Oh…