Hi Kristin,

I know that especially in the beginning my girlfriend had a very hard time with the transition. It wasn’t just our social life that changed but parts of my personality too. It is nice that I started reading all of the time but when I’d been drinking I’d be more fun, more social. It led to a whole lot of introspection on my part that I think isolated her from the experience I was going through and I don’t think I ever explained it properly because I didn’t know how. After spending so long defining my life with others around drinking, being sober meant I had to rediscover a lot about myself alone. It’s hard to know if things are working, or better, or if I am happy because all of my emotions are now warped by experiencing everything in a new (honestly, less fun at first) way. Some days I’d want to talk, and then not. It’s hard to know how to show someone else how much you still care when you can’t even figure out what’s going on in your own head anymore. I still get very isolated now quite often. Social environments can be really stressful for me. I think it is different for everyone and if I knew how to handle this transition in a way that didn’t seriously impact my relationship, who knows what would have happened, but we ended up breaking up. We were together for two years and while I had to spend my time trying to figure out where I stood in life, and the world, as this new person I didn’t fully understand, I wasn’t able to focus on where I stood as a boyfriend. I don’t know if this helps at all, but I hope things work out for you and your husband.

Columnist and author. My writing is like a bunch of people at a party trying to tell different jokes at the same time. benjamindavis.substack.com

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